The unidentifiable beauty of wasting time.
I’m wasting my time, at least that’s what I’m thinking. When I’m fixing the old car, so it will pass the yearly inspection. When I’m cutting firewood when I’m looking at the supermarket leaflets to find the cheapest offers. When I’m painting the house, knowing I’ll have to do it again next year. When I’m saving money, knowing I will be spending it the next day on an unforeseen setback. When I’m scrolling thru the internet, sitting behind an old laptop. When I’m daydreaming about all the goals I could set, knowing none will come true. When I’m trying to quit smoking, knowing someday I’ll die anyway. When I’m trying to eat healthy, knowing I can’t afford anything else than the cheapest food. When I’m making some wooden artwork, knowing nobody will buy it. When I’m writing a poem, knowing it won’t change the world. I’m wasting time, being depressed, being angry at the people who are killing our planet. I’m wasting time looking at all the alternative blogs, wasting time hearing the manipulated news. My whole life seems to be a chain gang of wasting time.
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By wasting time, I’m wasting energy. Getting wind up over greedy immigrants trying to rip of other immigrants, being worried about life-threatening situations of people I don’t even know. Being angry because of the dumpsites I found in the woods as a reaction to the closing of the skip by some corrupt politicians. Getting frustrated when reading so-called well-meant advice on questions asked in social media forums, while there’s an obvious disingenuous egoistic and self- enriching sauce poured between the words of friendly answers. Disappointed in myself because I struggle to separate the proverbial wheat from the chaff.
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But wait. I’m just wasting my time. Living in a holiday destination, enjoying the sun. I am, so there is a me. An individual trying to survive in a world full of faraway dangers, lots of assholes, corrupt bankers and politicians, stupid laws and rules, stressful dreams of success, crowded subways, people claiming they are Paris while they’ve never been there, Nazi slogan shouting racists, extreme religious terrorists, Israelis still claiming to be the chosen ones, greedy companies taking churches to court for putting solar panels on their roof, border closing right-wing liberals defending freedom, millions of camera’s following people’s moves, smartphone hacking gouvernment agencies, innocent children killing remote-controlled bombs, logo making graphic designers after every hurtful event and wannabee Clint Eastwood cops.
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I’m wasting time, trying to make some sense of it all. The only real question I have to ask myself is; “Am I going to pay that bill or am I going to buy food?” “Am I going to help my close by friends and neighbours or am I the one that needs help?” “Am I going to buy medicines for our 18-year-old dog or am I going to buy medicines for myself?” “Am I going to pay for a doctor’s advise or will I endure the pain?”
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Wasting time is wasting money, so I’m told, but it’s my time, and one of the few things I’m able to waste. That put’s life in perspective…..
.
By wasting time, I’m wasting energy. Getting wind up over greedy immigrants trying to rip of other immigrants, being worried about life-threatening situations of people I don’t even know. Being angry because of the dumpsites I found in the woods as a reaction to the closing of the skip by some corrupt politicians. Getting frustrated when reading so-called well-meant advice on questions asked in social media forums, while there’s an obvious disingenuous egoistic and self- enriching sauce poured between the words of friendly answers. Disappointed in myself because I struggle to separate the proverbial wheat from the chaff.
.
But wait. I’m just wasting my time. Living in a holiday destination, enjoying the sun. I am, so there is a me. An individual trying to survive in a world full of faraway dangers, lots of assholes, corrupt bankers and politicians, stupid laws and rules, stressful dreams of success, crowded subways, people claiming they are Paris while they’ve never been there, Nazi slogan shouting racists, extreme religious terrorists, Israelis still claiming to be the chosen ones, greedy companies taking churches to court for putting solar panels on their roof, border closing right-wing liberals defending freedom, millions of camera’s following people’s moves, smartphone hacking gouvernment agencies, innocent children killing remote-controlled bombs, logo making graphic designers after every hurtful event and wannabee Clint Eastwood cops.
.
I’m wasting time, trying to make some sense of it all. The only real question I have to ask myself is; “Am I going to pay that bill or am I going to buy food?” “Am I going to help my close by friends and neighbours or am I the one that needs help?” “Am I going to buy medicines for our 18-year-old dog or am I going to buy medicines for myself?” “Am I going to pay for a doctor’s advise or will I endure the pain?”
.
Wasting time is wasting money, so I’m told, but it’s my time, and one of the few things I’m able to waste. That put’s life in perspective…..
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